One man was silent.
Another man said I care about you too.
Another man said sorry.
I was heartbroken. I wished I was angry but I wasn’t. I always had a problem with finding and expressing anger. It wasn’t really my talent. I was more of a gloom than a grump.
Those three words put together were a big deal for me. It was nothing like winning a lottery or getting promoted – it was bigger. Much bigger. It was not something that you could get out of racks, put it in your trolley and pay upon placing it on the cashier counter. Sure I could pay people to say I love you too but I couldn’t pay them to actually feel it. I wasn’t rich to begin with. I wasn’t that pretty either. (I’m still quite average now but I’m heaps happier.)
I didn’t understand why they couldn’t say I love you too. It didn’t make solid sense to me. Doesn’t it mean something? Doesn’t it hold any value? Have I not done enough? Didn’t we have something special? Or do they get those words all the time? Is that why they’re taking mine for granted? I don’t get those words often. They’re a big deal to me. I’m giving something that’s bigger than a paycheck, bigger than a gold chest. I selected them out of millions and I said I love you. They showed me the right signs. I felt a sense of chemistry. How could they not say I love you too?
Much later I learned why they didn’t.
Exactly.
Because those words were indeed, a big deal.
They could’ve said I love you too and hurt me worse later but instead, they kept quiet. They apologized. They said I care about you too.
I didn’t say I love you to just anyone and so did they. They couldn’t say those words to just anyone.
It was so plain to see but I was blinded by my self-centeredness and my deliberate deeds. I kept thinking of all the things I did for them and asked myself what went wrong. I neglected the single thing that was probably most crucial – feelings. Maybe I was nice, yes. Maybe nothing went wrong. Either way, they didn’t feel it. It was nobody’s fault.
I could love a person as much as I want to but I could never get him to feel the things I feel. That has never been within my capability. I didn’t create humans; their minds and their hearts. God did. Feelings isn’t 1 + 2 = 3. You can’t be extra nice to a person and expect him or her to certainly fall in love with you. It doesn’t work that way. Not every time, at least. Trying is worthy but expecting is another story. I thought I was being completely selfless by giving my heart away but I was wrong. I was selfish. I expected them to do the same. I was egocentric. I reminded myself it’s a two way thing , it’s a two-way thing ..
I set them free :)
